Autumn scarves – painted warps
The past 6+ weeks have been…an experience.
There were days when I could NOT find the words I needed to say what I wanted to say. It was a lack of expression that I found discombobulating. I’ve never expected being told I would lose my speech, and I was practically unable to say what I wanted to say. I took it for granted that I would have control over my words.
This inability to express myself in speech was frustrating, and truth to tell – it hasn’t entirely gone away. If I’m tired my ability to express myself in language can go away entirely. Still.
I have *some* ability to write, but there are whole parts of sentences that wink out of existence. Words double up, or disappear entirely.
And this is why I feel I have to stop teaching, even remotely, probably for the rest of my life. When left alone with my desktop where I can take hours to write a sentence that actually says what I want it to say…well, that is just my time being ‘wasted’.
I am still dealing with a level of ‘amnesia’ from the time I crawled into bed after lunch, to waking up in Vancouver. It is very strange for several days to disappear with zero memory of them.
I have requested the physiotherapist to come and confirm I am still able to weave. I hope that the body remembers what the brain forgets. With nearly 50 years of fine tuning my weaving, I hope I will be able to continue to weave.
A number of medical professionals are telling me I will recover. They tell me I’m doing well (really???) and they foresee my making a good recovery.
But will that ‘good’ recovery allow me to teach? Somehow I don’t want to teach in person. Because I never know when my brain will close up shop.
As far as the blog goes, I can spend hours – if I have to – to write a post, while my brain recovers what I can to know and write down. Instead of 20-30 minutes.
People assume that I spend hours to write a post. Once I started writing blog posts I got quite practiced at writing them. Oh, it wasn’t ‘perfect’, it was just me, jotting down thoughts that filled my brain. But neither did I spend much time writing what I was thinking about it.
Sort of like weaving – so many weavers just assumed that I lacked efficiency when I’d spent the majority of my time as a weaver to become as efficient as I could.
With the future really and truly unknown to me, I have no idea how far my recovery will go and how my future years (?) will go.