It is now 10.5 weeks since falling and the new reality I am living. It has been a time of transition, including anger, acceptance (still working on that one) and adjustments. It has been a time of self examination and acceptance (still working on that one, too.)
In light of the surgeon’s comments and explanations of my personal ‘state’ – and how much worse it might have been – I have been working more on acceptance and gratitude. And finding out what I can realistically accomplish.
I am working on re-gaining my weaving, in terms of what I can do without setting myself ‘back’ in the process. In that regard, I am making slow steps, hindered by the on-going damage to my lower back. Truth to tell, the brain injury is not standing in my way of weaving – it is the SI joint and damaged discs that are actually holding me back in my progress. So I balance myself between the desire to get back to ‘normal’, knowing that my new ‘normal’ is going to be different than it was.
But I am slowly adding a couple of minutes of weaving to my sessions, noting what seems to work and what doesn’t.
I have fine tuned the draft for the next warp. I thought it was going to take to the end of this month to get the current warp off, in part because I had So Many appointments the past couple of weeks. However, I’m done with the long list of them, and on the whole, the news is mostly ‘good’.
Since I have been increasing the duration of my weaving sessions, the beam is filling at a nice steady rate, and yesterday I cut off the 2nd third, tied on and began the final third. And it’s only the 9th of November. I will finish this warp long before the end of the month.
Such small ‘victories’ are balm to my battered soul. And so I worked on polishing the next draft, and thinking through the coming months – what I might accomplish, and what was clearly beyond my ability to do – at this time. But also? Being willing to adjust and change my plans depending on how things continue to go.
I still have difficulty speaking, although people who don’t know me well, tell me that they can’t really tell. But at this point in time I am considering the public, in person (via Zoom) part of my ‘career’ over. Instead, with support of a friend, I am pitching ideas to a magazine, who appear to want to include my thoughts. However, I am continuing with this effort fully aware that I’m working very hard to write, and ultimately they may decide I am not up to their standards. OTOH, I told my spouse last night, they are aspects of weaving that I want to look at more closely, so I will investigate the topics for my own sake and not be terribly disappointed if they don’t pass muster with the magazine.
Ultimately, I am now about to set off on the path I foresaw when I ‘retired’ in 2020 – to look at weaving with an eye to learn more about it. I had no idea what I would do with that knowledge, but here, now, comes a new magazine that wants that kind of deep dive. Now, I just have to do a good job in first investigating, then writing up my conclusions.
Time will tell.