Do It Anyway

I have, for most of my life, dealt with Impostor Syndrome.

I am 76 years old. And a part of me still cringes, wondering if I’m good enough. Even though I have worked on that tendency to assume I’m not good enough – for years. Decades.

Right now I am about to launch myself into a project I am not entirely sure I can successfully complete.

But also? I have Dreamt Big Dreams, and launched myself into the unknown, over and over again.

And so far?

Well, I’m still here.

So, Rational Me knows that I probably am ‘good enough’, while Irrational Me is still wrestling with fearing failure.

Mostly Rational Me knows I can do this. Maybe not well. Maybe not to the standard I would have been able to do 2 years and 2+ weeks ago. But one of the reasons I decided to launch myself into the more or less unknown this time is…well, complicated.

I see so many new weavers flailing. They try and try and try and seem to encounter one difficulty after another. And I may have answers for them. But the answers I have are rarely simple, or even straight forward. They are complicated, because weaving is complex and answers get ‘messy’.

However, I wrote the Power Point slides a few years ago, before the brain injury, so I have a template to keep myself on track. And I have 12 times to practice, get comfortable, and continue to wrestle the Impostor Syndrome to the ground.

And, because weaving is complex, even if I don’t perform my ‘best’ I know stuff and am willing to try to explain what I know.

However, my butterflies took off last night and I slept poorly as I fretted about today. So, to add to the general trepidation is a lack of sleep. As I sit here drinking my coffee I am trying my best to get them into formation. But come what may, in about 2.5 hours I begin.

Breathe. Breathe. Do your best.